Cross-stitch, quilting, craft….

Extra!Extra!

About 3.30pm, Western Australian Time, a brutal murder was committed, shocking residents of the sleepy settlement  Familyoom. 

The savage attack was witnessed by two well known, but reclusive residents.  Police have not been able to interview them, as the shock was so severe they were both rendered tweetless.  Tim Birdton is the director of the smash hit Budgie Smugglers.  He is seen here in the photo with his constant companion Wanda Wigglebottom, who shot to fame in the gut wrenching role of the seed addict in the movie “Millet”.

 The victim and her partner in happier times at the beginning of their relationship.

Police have charged a group of locals from the nearby settlement of Craftdrawer.  R. Cutter and Jan O. Me have been charged with the murder.  S. Ripper has been charged with being an accessory.  Rbish Bin has been charged with being accessory after the fact for her part in disposing of the body.

Ms R. Mug leaves behind two sisters – Mocha M. Rug; who gained instant celebrity status when the song Mug Rug by eccentric Australian singer MillyTant (which Mocha starred in) went viral last week on YouTube.  Her older sister, Cafe (who can be seen in the picture above), runs the family business Mug Rug Emporium.

Her partner Dotty (seen in the picture above), although bereft with grief, managed to speak to reporters outside her modest home at Kitchen Drawer.  “She was such a colourful character” sobbed Dotty.  “We loved going out and spending time with our friends Mug O’Tea and Piece O’Cake.  She will never be replaced in my heart.”

As the perpetrators of the crime were being led away, they declined to comment but were overheard saying to police that they didn’t know what came over them.  It had felt like a giant hand had reached out of the sky and was controlling them, making them rip and cut at Ms M. Rug’s body, then disembowling her until it lay in lifeless pieces.  A date has yet to be set for the trial.

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